Deeply Missing You

If I’m going to be honest...with another anniversary of the loss of Larsen, it’s hurting a lot.

I’m realizing that as the years go on, this isn't getting any easier. Each year reminds me of the permanence of her absence on this side of life. Each year puts her life more distant away from mine and I don’t like it.

I know there’s hope and everything for the future, but it’s still hard in the now. It’s hard when I wish she were here to give me parenting advice, or we could laugh about how she had the brown haired boy (her being blonde) and me having the blonde haired boy. She always joked when her son was born that I looked more like his mama by the hair color and dark eyes.

I have a box that I keep all of Lar’s notes and pictures in. She had given me a card with a picture of two elderly ladies sitting on a porch chatting about something probably inappropriate and random and inside it said “this is going to be us one day”. Oh how I wish it would be.

I told Rob and my sister the other day about this, about me having an especially hard time. And my sister said she hasn't heard me say much about it lately. So it made me think maybe after a while it can feel like it’s just easier to keep your feelings to yourself. To talk only about the hope of the future and not bring down the mood with the pain. Especially when you know so many are hurting deeply by it too.

I think I’m realizing that the processes of grief are an ongoing cycle because

the denial still creeps up

the anger still can be present

the sadness is near

and the longing is forever.

October she was taken from us by domestic violence, and October is also domestic violence awareness month. Rob and I are definitely more watchful for any signs of domestic violence in those we encounter. Continue to raise awareness. 

And if you pray, pray for Larsen’s dear son and family. For blessings and peace to flood their lives. They are truly a special family. And if you feel led to give, visit www.larsenslegacy.com to donate to the growth and care of her amazing autistic son.

Love and miss you so stinking much, Lar.

For previous years posts about Lar and/or domestic violence, you can visit here, here and here. <3

Fall Family Photos 2014

So maybe this will be an annual tradition? Last year we made the trek all the way to our overgrown backyard to do some family photos with our pumpkins and tripod. This year we tried it again.

We started a thing where we put the smaller pumpkins on our heads and call each other "pumpkin head". This is Finn reenacting that while I did a test shot...oh that sweet face.

Then he did it on my head...

Then he ran away...

Our yearly fall kissing picture...love this man...

Oh and then Finn came back! This is Rob and I trying to get him to say "cheese" at the camera...

Then we had to bribe him to stay with daddy's phone. This is our "parents of the year" photo...

Of course bubbles were also present...

This last pic cracks us up...mainly because Rob says that he looks like a little boy with his knees positioned the way they are, lol.

Overall I'm happy to have more family pics with my two loves. Maybe one day we'll pay for some professional photos. Or at least someone to stand on the other side of the camera to help make the boy smile.

Hoping you all are well and enjoying the season. This is the time I ache to live up north to experience a real fall, but I'll just keep my cinnamon broom close and the AC turned down to make up for it.

Up Up Up

Recently Finn has found a well understood fascination with planes. When we're outside in the yard or driving around in the car, he'll spot one and point and say "yane!" It's pretty stinkin cute.

So randomly on Sunday night after dinner, I thought, let’s go to the airport. I love our airport, it’s so easy to get in and out of and the top of the parking garage is perfect for watching planes land and take off. So we skipped a much needed bath (seriously, food was caked in the boy’s hair) loaded up and drove 15 minutes to our airport. We got there right when the sun was close to setting. 

Finn was soaking it up…loved watching the planes take off (they seemed so close!) and also loved watching the “trains” (the trams going back and forth).

 

Although he's not smiling in these pics, the boy was more than thrilled to watch the planes take off and go "up up up!". So thrilled that when it was time to go, there were tears. He just kept yelling “yane! yane!” Needless to say we’ll be visiting again. And it was a completely free, yay!

Love our little family and am thankful for these small but special moments. Maybe a plane themed 2nd birthday party is in our future?

Quarantine

So for the past almost two weeks, our little boy came down with the hand, foot and mouth sickness. It started with a fever and then these sores came on his hands and feet, and a few on his mouth. It's highly contagious. Thankfully the boy only seemed bothered by it all for the first four days, other than that he's been his normal self. But because it's highly contagious to little ones (and some adults even) we've been in quarantine mode.

Otherwise known as house arrest.

But thankfully Florida has had some beautiful weather so our backyard was wonderfully utilized. I realized that I've taken quite a few pics that I haven't shared...so without further ado I thought I'd dump them all in one post. :))

So what have we been doing all this time?

Lot's of sweeping and dusting...

Lots of looking out the window...waving at neighbors or the neighborhood cat...

Lots of jetting around in what Rob pretends is a jet ski (an upside down chair)...he's such a genius...

Oh and more looking out the window...

You can start seeing the sores in these pics...but I just especially love these two pics...

A game of "get your feet off of the window" occurred...

Lots of doing dishes with daddy...side note, sharing the water faucet makes doing dishes extra long and messy, but still sweet...

Lots of backyard fun...kicking a ball...

And throwing another ball...

Lots of running and squealing with adorable bouncy cheeks...

Lots of discovering...

Lots of funny poses and expressions that crack Rob and I up...

Lots of good stuff among the not so fun stuff of course...but I have a feeling in 20 years Rob and I will recall mostly the good stuff. Definitely soaking it all up.